My friend Alison Dorlen used to love to say, “speed kills” when we played pool together. It is tempting to simply hit the ball as hard as you can and watch all the ricochets and hope for the best. But usually the best doesn’t happen with that method. In fact, when you slow down, both in terms of how quickly you make your shot and how hard you hit the cue ball, your shots gain accuracy and effectiveness. You become a better player.

Fault operates in a similar fashion. My jury duty case was a medical malpractice case. The family was suing the doctor. Their father/husband had died. The doctor and hospital must be at fault. Someone must be to blame. Complications are unacceptable. It must be someone’s fault.

The thing about fault is that the more you focus on it, the more you seek out who was responsible for something bad that happened, the more your world becomes about criticizing, blaming, and defending. When you focus on fault you make people wary of what they do around you. You teach the people around you (your employees, colleagues, children) to be the first to point the finger so that they gain the upper hand in the blame game. And you destroy your own ability to accept responsibility graciously, to say, “I did that. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”

Fault kills. It kills your happiness and your pleasantness to be around. It kills your effectiveness as an employee, a parent, and a leader.

It’s easy to make these pronouncements and point the finger at others. “Other people blame. I’ve known them. They’re awful.” But the truth is we are all seduced into the blame game from time to time.

I do it. When I do it it’s a mistake. I’m sorry for that. I’m going to do my best to fix it.