Jane and Sarah are frustrated with Doug. Jane sends Doug an email telling him about the mistakes he has made and the ways he has behaved inappropriately.

Sarah calls Doug to share her own frustrations with him. During the conversation Doug takes responsibility for some of the mistakes and also reveals how some of his actions were misinterpreted. Sarah discovers that she also played a role in the difficulties and that much of her frustration was due to mutual miscommunication and misunderstanding.

Who feels better after these exchanges, Jane or Sarah?
Who does Doug feel better about?
Who will Doug consider to be a more valued partner?
Which method will uncover more truths?
Which relationship will be stronger after the fact?
Even if Jane and Doug eventually speak and clear things up, who will Doug have greater respect for?

There is a simple rule but one I see violated with surprising frequency.

If you feel any negative emotion – anger, frustration, disappointment – while writing an email or you think that upon reading your email the recipient will feel any negative emotion, don’t send it.

Pick up the phone. If you don’t reach the person, try again later. Leave messages. Call back. But don’t send the email.

It isn’t half full. It’s full. People don’t realize how lucky they are. Realize is the wrong word. It’s passive and fleeting. As though the important thing were to casually recognize every once in a while that, “Oh yeah, check it out. I guess I’m lucky.”

No. We need more than realization. We need active and consistent recognition. Your glass is full. Take a good long look at all the reasons that is so. Don’t raise objections. If there’s something less than perfect, let it go.

Right now, and every day, take just a minute (or more) to really examine what makes you lucky.

Why?

People who engage in daily gratitude exercises have been shown to:

Exercise more
Feel physically healthier
Have greater life satisfaction
Make more progress toward goals
Offer more help to others
Sleep longer and better

They are more:

Alert
Optimistic
Enthusiastic
Determined
Attentive
Energized

Wow. All those benefits just from spending a little time each day paying attention to what we’re grateful for? That’s pretty lucky.

Where do we learn our values? Who teaches us what is important in life?
Some of these lessons come from our parents and our upbringing, but they continue to be shaped throughout our lives.
My friend Andrea Goeglein made an interesting observation. We were talking after a speech I had given to the Stillpoint Center for Spiritual Development in Las Vegas. She said that whereas people used to regularly attend weekly religious services and draw moral guidance from that experience, attendance in such services is dwindling. Instead people are spending more and more time at work, and we as a society are drawing more and more of our values from the company we keep.
This notion will undoubtedly scare some who see corporate America as evil. However, there is good and bad in every system. Some organizations bring out the absolute best values in their employees, their communities, their customers. I’m not talking about the official corporate values on the plaque in the lobby (e.g., teamwork, honesty, integrity). I wrote recently about why those values fail to stick.
I’m talking about the unstated values. What is important to your organization? Materialism? Relationships? Personal fulfillment? Winning at all costs? Shareholders over employees? Customers above all else?
If you don’t pay attention, your organization’s values will become your own without you even noticing. So sit up straight. Listen carefully. Services are in session.