What would you do for a stranger? If it’s someone you’ve never seen before and will never see again? It isn’t charity. This isn’t someone who needs money or a handout. If I told you it would cost you nothing to provide this favor, I bet you’d do it. But not everyone does in reality.

The other day I was that stranger. My flight had been delayed. So when we landed I had less than 10 minutes to make my connection. I made my way up the row asking each person the same question.

“I only have 10 minutes to make my next flight. Do you mind if I go ahead of you?”

The doors hadn’t been opened yet. I just wanted to get to the front so I could run up the jet bridge and hope against hope, make my next flight.

The responses to my question fell into three categories.

1. “Go ahead.” Some people were models of kindness encouraging me and wishing me luck and safe travels. These were my Good Samaritans.

2. “Where’s your connection?” These folks wanted more info. They wanted to be sure their act of kindness was justified. Still, I can’t complain. They let me pass. These were Open Skeptics. Skeptics because they wanted to be convinced. Open because they accepted the information.

3. “There’s nowhere to go.” This person flat out rejected my plea. The previous 10 people moved slightly aside back into their rows to let me pass. This individual preferred to maintain his place in line. This was the Greedy One.

Which one would you be?

My experiment was a success. I took a trip to Hawaii, brought no books, and had no problems.

The Kindle app for the iPhone was my reading source for this trip. In the past I’ve lugged along anywhere from 1-3 books on my travels. This time, unencumbered by excess paper I feared I would tire of the little screen, become frustrated or annoyed or worse – headachy.

In fact reading entire books on the iPhone turned out to be quite pleasing. It was easy, comfortable, convenient. I am left with just one dilemma – one for which I’d love your help.

The question – what are the best things to do during takeoff and landing if you aren’t packing paper reading material?

The electronics have to be turned off. This used to be primo reading time for me. So now what? Any ideas?

Yesterday I asked you about your common phrases. But so what? Why does it matter if I say “no worries” vs. “whatever”? Why should I say “it’s all good” instead of complaining about what isn’t so great? Do I really think we should all be blindly giddy as we accept whatever comes our way?

Of course not.

The point and power of gratitude isn’t that you maniacally accept a miserable existence. It’s that you find sources of strength that lift you up so that you are better able to face your challenges.

There is a parallel in exercise and music. Costas Karageorghis is an associate professor of Sports Psychology at Brunel University and has studied the effects of music on exercise for 20 years. His research has shown that higher tempo music leads people to exercise harder and longer and even enjoy the exercise more than with low tempo music. The soundtrack leads to a more or less pleasant experience and higher or lower performance.

Your word choices are your daily soundtrack. “No worries” lightens your load. “TGIF” leads you to dread Mondays. Positive words aren’t there to push you to stay stuck in a job or marriage or home or relationship or setting or life that you don’t want. Just as up-tempo music isn’t there to lull you into not working out. The positive words give you a foundation of energy from which to act to change your circumstance.

I’m in Hawaii for a speech at a charity event and everywhere I go people are saying aloha. This is a word that means more than just hello. It conveys peace, compassion, and friendliness.

I recently said, “Hi. How ya doing?” to a toll booth operator. He responded with a big grin and what I perceived to be a completely sincere, “Sensational!” It offered an incredibly unexpected burst of positive energy. Clearly it wasn’t the first time he had given that response.

One of my heroes is Marshall Goldsmith. I saw him speak in 2003 and he explained that he signs off every speech, every email, and every correspondence with, “Life is good.”

Tomorrow I’m going to write about the importance of the common phrases in your lexicon, but today I’m curious just to know what they are. I invite you to respond to this post and tell me. If you can’t think of any - no worries. Incidentally, “no worries” is one of my common phrases. What’s yours?

My mother-in-law is a genius. That’s not an easy thing to say, but I have to admit it. My daughters needed to get a shot. My mother-in-law suggested we bring Hershey’s kisses and the moment after the shot went in their arms pop the chocolate into their mouths.

So it became shotchocolate.

Instead of ow! Ooowwwww!!! OOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!

The sound was owmmmm.

It worked brilliantly. Afterwards my daughter wanted to know why we did this chocolate thing. So we talked about how the brain can only pay attention to so many things at a time. If you give it other stuff to pay attention to it won’t be as aware of the pain and you won’t feel it as much.

In the same way when you listen to music during a workout you are less aware of the pain of the workout.

And this concept plays out in all aspects of our lives. When you become aggravated, angry, bitter, sad, upset, what is your chocolate equivalent? What do you use to distract your brain?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t process or pay attention to problems in your world. But when you are fixated on the problems and focused on your pain, your brain becomes a super processor of negative emotion. It’s time for you to find some other input for your brain.

Now unfortunately I am stuck, focused on the painful notion that my mother-in-law is a genius. Someone, please, give me some chocolate.

EXTRA: Tomorrow I’ll share a related experience that has dramatically changed my life and eliminated one of my biggest regular fights with my wife.

Someone told me recently she had hit rock bottom. The source of her anguish was difficulty at work. Her family was fine – everyone was healthy. Her finances were in great shape – no problem there. She had no physical malady. Yet her view of her life was “rock bottom.”

Most of us know that the way we speak shapes our reality. The more we talk of “rock bottom” the more our life takes on the characteristics of that lowest depth. So why do we do that to ourselves?

I think part of the problem is that we don’t know what we should be saying. We take a convenient term that fits the thing we are noticing at the moment and we place the label. Since it seems to fit we use it over and over, not realizing that every time we say it we make it more valid, more solid, more a part of our reality.

My boss is a jerk.
This job sucks.
I can’t.
I give up.
Why is nothing easy?
My child is a difficult child.
I’ve hit rock bottom.

So what’s the alternative? If our words shape our reality, what should we be saying? Try these on. Pick one that works for you. If it fits, use it over and over until it is your reality.

This is nothing.
I’m better than this.
I can beat this.
I can do it.

Or one of my favorites:

Wow! I am so unbelievably lucky.

On Thursday I spoke at the annual planning meeting for the Miami Children’s Hospital (MCH) senior leadership team. It was unbelievably moving. I’ve already written about what I learned from from their mascot, one of their honorees, and their audience. Here’s my final lesson from MCH.

Not everyone is as lucky as you are. I’ve written about this before, but in the context of this event it bears repeating. On Thursday I watched a woman describe the events of her daughter’s time as a patient at MCH, a time that was years ago. Still, she could hardly begin her story before she was taken by tears. Choked up, she struggled on to relay her full story - one with a happy ending.

I watched doctors and nurses who were part of the MCH Haiti Support team describe the absolute horror of their trips to Haiti. They described the children in need of amputations and other extreme care. They told one specific story that was too horrible for me to repeat here.

Then I recall my friend Rob who originally brought MCH to my attention. Rob, whose son Will suffers from seizures. Rob, who has cared for Will through three brain surgeries and countless drug therapies. Rob, who more often than anyone else I know points out how lucky he is.

Remember your luck. Be thankful. It is a powerful force in good times and bad.

It isn’t half full. It’s full. People don’t realize how lucky they are. Realize is the wrong word. It’s passive and fleeting. As though the important thing were to casually recognize every once in a while that, “Oh yeah, check it out. I guess I’m lucky.”

No. We need more than realization. We need active and consistent recognition. Your glass is full. Take a good long look at all the reasons that is so. Don’t raise objections. If there’s something less than perfect, let it go.

Right now, and every day, take just a minute (or more) to really examine what makes you lucky.

Why?

People who engage in daily gratitude exercises have been shown to:

Exercise more
Feel physically healthier
Have greater life satisfaction
Make more progress toward goals
Offer more help to others
Sleep longer and better

They are more:

Alert
Optimistic
Enthusiastic
Determined
Attentive
Energized

Wow. All those benefits just from spending a little time each day paying attention to what we’re grateful for? That’s pretty lucky.

Where do we learn our values? Who teaches us what is important in life?
Some of these lessons come from our parents and our upbringing, but they continue to be shaped throughout our lives.
My friend Andrea Goeglein made an interesting observation. We were talking after a speech I had given to the Stillpoint Center for Spiritual Development in Las Vegas. She said that whereas people used to regularly attend weekly religious services and draw moral guidance from that experience, attendance in such services is dwindling. Instead people are spending more and more time at work, and we as a society are drawing more and more of our values from the company we keep.
This notion will undoubtedly scare some who see corporate America as evil. However, there is good and bad in every system. Some organizations bring out the absolute best values in their employees, their communities, their customers. I’m not talking about the official corporate values on the plaque in the lobby (e.g., teamwork, honesty, integrity). I wrote recently about why those values fail to stick.
I’m talking about the unstated values. What is important to your organization? Materialism? Relationships? Personal fulfillment? Winning at all costs? Shareholders over employees? Customers above all else?
If you don’t pay attention, your organization’s values will become your own without you even noticing. So sit up straight. Listen carefully. Services are in session.

One of my hobbies is my fish tank. For all of my supplies I go to a store called Aquarium Adventure. The store is set up like a real aquarium. The tanks are all well staged, and each area of the store feels like an exhibit. I go there for supplies and also just for fun.

Yesterday I passed a sign for an aquarium supply store called the Fish Factory. Now I have no idea what the Fish Factory is like. It could be beautiful or not. But what a difference in what these two names evoke - The Fish Factory vs. Aquarium Adventure.

I think there is an obvious marketing lesson in here, but there is also a lesson for living.

Factory living is static, predictable, consistent. And at times this can be comforting.

Adventure living is daring, surprising, exciting. At times we need this experience.

There is a pendulum issue here. We can swing too far to either of these extremes. So where is your pendulum? Is work feeling like more factory or adventure these days? How about life?

If you’ve swung too far to either extreme it might be time to take a moment and turn that pendulum around.