I received a shipment this week that consisted of 4 packages and discovered something that fascinated me. There was a sticker on one of the packages. I immediately went to my wife and asked her, “If you were sending 4 boxes to someone and wanted to make absolutely sure that one box was opened first, what would you do?” Her answer was to label the box, “Open First.”

I don’t know. Her idea might work.

Three of my boxes were unlabeled. The fourth had a bright orange sticker with bold letters that said, “Open Me Last.” Sure enough, the curiosity was too great. It was the first box I opened.

So let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes your instructions may have unintended effects on the recipients and sometimes resistance may be a simple matter of curiosity.

I was watching TV and a commercial came on that had me totally engrossed. In fact, I can’t remember the last time that a TV commercial so shocked me into paying attention. You might wonder what in this age of used car salesmen could rise so far above the din to cause me to take notice.

The answer?

Silence.

The black screen had a single sentence that read, “The following 30 seconds of peace and quiet have been brought to you by Karako Suits.”

I was so surprised by the lack of noise I found myself staring at the screen, marveling at the fact that nothing was happening. I didn’t quite know what to make of the complete lack of change in the picture. My hand involuntarily reached for the remote in hopes of unpausing the screen. But of course, it wasn’t paused.

After about 25 seconds the black background faded to a picture of a suit. Then, after 5 more blissful seconds of silence, life returned to normal. (I.e., loud, flashing, abrasive and annoying.)

I think there is a lesson in here for marketers, but I’d probably have to out-shout the used car salesmen to get their attention.

No one in my house growing up was allowed to get away with grammar mistakes. My mom was even known for correcting the grammar of my school teachers. (Incidentally, it didn’t go over very well when I copied that behavior.)

Despite my wonderfully grammatically correct upbringing, there is one grammar challenge that always stumps me - the question of who vs. whom. Fortunately, I came across this blog that very effectively clarifies the point.

I hope it’s helpful to you. It was for me.

Now, for a sign-off that is a quote from Winston Churchill.

“That is a rule up with which I will not put.”

I found this absolutely fascinating survey story today. This occurred the night after I watched a news program reveal new polls showing clear evidence that one of our Presidential candidates has a significant lead over the other. After switching channels another news program revealed polls showing equally clear evidence that the other candidate was in fact in the lead.

Mark Twain said, “There are lies, damn lies, and statistics.” Even a completely unbiased statistician can misinterpret data. When you give data to biased observers (e.g., marketers, politicians, pundits) they can make the data say anything they want.

So whether you get inundated with statistics about politics, from marketers, or in business, just be sure to question what you see. It might just all be a damn lie.

My dad turned 70 this year. We recently had a party at which I gladly gave a speech honoring him. As I did a few months ago for the speech I gave at my brother’s wedding, I am posting the transcript of my speech. I hope you enjoy it.

***

Twelve years ago Beatrice met my parents for the first time. Ever since then she has had this habit where every now and then she will say to me, “You’re your father.” Twelve years ago I can tell you, I didn’t like it. I would tell a joke – You’re your father. Or I’d say or do anything and Beatrice would let me know – What you just said is so your father.

At first this was really annoying. But today I can finally embrace it.

In my speech at Daniel and Carolyn’s wedding I offered contrasts between me and Dan. At my parents 40th I offered contrasts between them. Today I have no contrasts. As Beatrice is all too eager to point out, I am my father.

- I am his goofy sense of humor – much to Beatrice’s chagrin.
- I am his romanticism.
- I am his love of food and wine.
- I am his pear shaped body type.
- I am his entrepreneurial spirit.
- I am his passion for work and hobbies, the two of which frequently intertwine.
- I am his desire to help people and make a difference in their lives.
- I am him. I am my father.

And while picking up many of my father’s traits happened without my noticing it at the time, there is one moment from my life that stands out that I definitely noticed.

I was 12 years old and had just finished playing a game of mud football at my best friend’s house. I was quite surprised when instead of my mother coming to pick me up, my father pulled up . . . in his brand new car. There I was caked from head to toe in mud and the moment the car door opened what struck me was new car smell. Well my dad must have seen me hesitate, possibly even caught a look of worry on my face.

He asked me, “What’s wrong?”

I replied, “I’m covered in mud. I don’t want to get your new car dirty.”

He looked at me and shook his head. He said, “Noah, it’s just a car. Get in.”

This moment carried with it many lessons.

- I learned the value of things.
- I learned the value of people.
- I learned about priorities, caring and compassion.
- I learned it’s okay to have a filthy car, a lesson I live by.
- And of course later that day I learned that dad isn’t the one who cleans his car.

Dad you have taught me much. I love you. I am you. Have a very happy 71st year and beyond. L’chaim.

I deliver a lot of speeches. As part of my preparation I always look around at what other people are doing. Today I came across this video that I think is brilliant. The speaker is entertaining. His topic is something from which everyone can learn. Click here to watch.

I was driving home from my sister’s house this weekend which takes me over the George Washington Bridge and along the Cross Bronx Expressway. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of driving this stretch of roadway, allow me to describe it. I believe the essence can best be captured by saying that this is New York City’s armpit. It flows through some unattractive neighborhoods. There’s a ton of traffic complete with pan handlers in the spots where it slows down the most. There’s graffiti. There are potholes galore. It’s not a stretch I would drive if there were another reasonable alternative.

At one point during this stretch we went through a tunnel where they had built a building above the roadway. There were lots of lights and my four year-old in the backseat said, “pretty.” Just that. Pretty.

In Three Deep Breaths, a book I find to be absolutely brilliant, Tom Crum describes three breaths you can take to achieve greater inner peace. In the third breath you let go of judgment and breathe in mystery. For me mystery has two parts. There is the unknown that creates anxiety if we fear it and excitement if we do not hold that fear. There is also beauty that we take for granted if we don’t consciously choose to see it, explore it and soak it in.

My daughter saw that twinkling lights in the night time were pretty and in so doing reminded me to see more beauty in the world.

I have to admit that I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with holiday gift giving. Watching kids open up presents is usually entertaining and heart warming. That’s the part I love.

Watching adults open up presents is often awkward and even painful. In my experience adults just rarely know what to get for other adults. And of course it is the thought that counts and I am appreciative of receiving a gift. But wouldn’t it be nice if we got the gifts we wanted?

I don’t need another argyle sweater. In fact, I don’t need the first one I got last holiday season. Then there is the wonderful memory of the year that all the cousins and aunts and uncles in my wife’s family exchanged $50 gift cards. They actually agreed - this year, no presents, only gift cards. It was like everyone simply handed $50 to the person on their left. This seems to me like a system that’s broken.

Five years ago I came up with the answer. It was a website that I wanted to call GiftORama.com. It would be a universal gift registry site so that anytime - holidays, birthdays, any occasion - you wanted to buy a gift for someone you could see a list of items they actually wanted to receive.

Well, instead of creating GiftORama, I started a consulting company. I missed out on my billion dollar idea. But someone has finally put together a website that does a decent job of what I wanted to do five years ago. It is www.wishlist.com.

They are still working out some of the kinks, but it’s good enough to use. So I apologize for not getting this out in time for this holiday season, but now you have a whole year to build up your wishlist in preparation for December, 2008.

BTW, here are some of the slogans I came up with when I first hatched the idea of GiftORama:

If you want it, and you want someone else to buy it . . . GiftORama.com
If you want to give, and you want them to love it . . . GiftORama.com
If you want her to cry tears of joy . . . GiftORama.com
If you are not sure if she already has it . . . GiftORama.com
If you don’t want to give him another tie . . . GiftORama.com
If you don’t want another pair of fuzzy bunny slippers . . . GiftORama.com

And my personal favorite:

If you don’t want to spend your own money, spend someone else’s . . . GiftORama.com

My brother got married yesterday, and as expected it was a wonderful and joyous occasion. I agonized quite a bit over the best man speech but in the end it turned out pretty well. When I reflected on it there were a few comments from my speech that are worth sharing. So below is the transcript, minus the parts that would terribly humiliate my big brother. (He owes me.)

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Hello everyone. Thank you for coming. And thank you to Joan and Monroe for putting together this wonderful wedding.

It is my great pleasure today to toast my brother and his new bride Carolyn. As I was thinking about what to say one question kept coming back to me, “How can I help Carolyn and Daniel in their marriage to one another?” What insights can I give them? So I’d like to share with you three pieces of advice: one for Daniel, one for Carolyn and one for both.

First, what wisdom can I impart to Dan about being a husband? Originally I was going to tell you that the husband is always wrong. But I tested the speech on my wife, and she told me I was wrong. Of course, she was right.

It’s not that husbands are always wrong. It’s that life is a whole lot better when you concede, tell her she’s beautiful, and offer to rub her shoulders than it is when you fight over who is right.

And to Carolyn. What insights can I give you about my brother?

[Sorry. This is the segment with the embarrassing stories about my brother. For those you’ll have to find a black market copy of the wedding video.]

And finally, this is for both of you. (And I invite any other couples, married or otherwise to play along with this.) First, Daniel and Carolyn. Hold hands. Give a little squeeze. Look into each other’s eyes. And think of five moments you have shared that brought you great happiness. Today might supply one or all of those moments. Take a moment now and think of these five times that you have shared that brought you happiness.

It has been found that when married couples have five times more positive interactions than negative, they are far more likely to stay together. In every marriage there will be sadness and anger. At those times, remember the five moments you just brought to mind. Talk about them. Relive them. And stay happy together.

Daniel, my brother, I love you. Carolyn, I am thrilled to welcome you into my family. I wish you both a wonderful and happy life together.

Mazel tov.

******************

Last night (9/11) was an odd night to give a speech, but there I was. Before I went on several participants shared stories about 9/11. One of them really lays open the raw emotion that is still attached to 9/11 for New Yorkers. I don’t know if this is how things are in the rest of the country, but here is what happened yesterday in NY.

It was pouring. Traffic was miserable. (It always is in NY in the rain.) There was a cop on Amsterdam and 110th Street in full dress uniform directing traffic. In the pouring rain driver after driver stopped their cars, rolled down their windows, and reached out to thank the police officer and shake his hand.

Another participant commented that 9/11 creates a spirit in New York akin to the Christmas season. We are kinder, more giving, and more patient on this most difficult of all days. For me, this is the greatest triumph - for NY, the US, and the human spirit - we could possibly achieve. If we are the Whos down in Whoville, turning the anniversary of tragedy into a day of kindness and generosity, we have truly won.