Not everyone is a born salesperson. This doesn’t surprise me. However, when you are selling the most valuable asset you will ever own, I would think you would put at least 12 seconds of thought into it. I honestly believe that is all it would take to realize that you shouldn’t leave a pile of dirty dishes in the sink when you are taking pictures of your kitchen for display on the internet. My wife and I are looking at houses and we have been astounded by how little people do to prepare their homes for sale.

Before you think this post is all about home sales, allow me to make this point. We all sell. We sell products, services or ideas at work. We sell suggestions to our significant others and our kids. We are always selling.

All I’m suggesting is that before you take a picture of your home or start explaining a request to your kid, you should take 12 seconds to think about the sale. I encountered five pictures in particular that could not possibly have been considered for 12 seconds.

1. I already told you about the sink piled high with dishes.
2. A picture so blurry I couldn’t tell if it was a living room or a water buffalo.
3. A closeup of a toilet. No kidding. Nothing else in the picture but the inside of the bowl.
4. A close up of a flower. Now I’m not an expert on these things, but what exactly is supposed to happen when I see a picture of a flower? Should I forget that the owner neglected to include pictures of the kitchen?
5. And this one is truly remarkable. A photo of water damage.

I’m just asking for 12 seconds. Is that so much to ask?

This week I heard what I thought was the best book statistic ever. I know that Harry Potter is a huge phenomenon. In fact, I joked around with people saying that this past weekend JK Rowling and I averaged 4 million book sales each. Still, this took me by surprise. There was a study released in a British journal of medicine that said that on weekends following the release of a Harry Potter book children’s admittances to emergency rooms in England fell by 50%.

Wow. Very cool.

We should all pay close attention to the lines that formed outside bookstores leading up to 12:01 this morning. Hordes of fans across this country and others have been impatiently waiting for the release of the final book in the Harry Potter series. It has already been noted in many places that Ms. Rowling (the author) has accomplished a remarkable feat by getting so many kids this excited about reading. I’d like to take this moment to just recognize and appreciate the passion that causes people to wait so long in lines like these.

In my youth I did this for concert tickets. I remember showing up at 2 AM to get on line for Billy Joel tickets when I was 17 years old. The line was already around the block, but right before tickets went on sale a guy walked by and yelled to the line that there was another ticket office a block away with no line. We ran over and discovered he was right. We got great seats.

I remember camping out overnight at Boston Garden for Billy Joel tickets and meeting a guy with six toes (on one foot). I camped out overnight at Madison Square Garden for Phish (the band) tickets and almost broke up with my eventual wife as a result. These were great times (not counting the fight with my wife which is a whole different story).

I remember showing up 6 hours early to be first in line to see the movie Batman in 1989. It was about 5 hours and 45 minutes before the next person got in line behind me. But that’s not the point.

The point is that in each of these cases I was tremendously excited and passionate about what I wanted to see. The kids (and adults) in lines outside bookstores last night are filled with passion. We can all learn a lesson from them. I believe it’s incredibly important to be in touch with what you are passionate about. Make a point of spending time on your passion. If you don’t your life will fill up with other stuff. Our time is too short for that.

They say that there are no new ideas. If that’s the case, it’s a good thing there are so many good old ideas for us to recycle. Last week I spoke at the annual conference for the Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership. It was an honor to be one of the speakers and a thrill to see Stephen Covey, one of the keynotes. His talk covered many topics, but one that was particularly interesting was the use of the Native American Talking Stick.

The Talking Stick was a device used by Native Americans to resolve disputes. Only one person, the holder of the stick, was allowed to speak his mind. In order to gain the stick another speaker had to convince the holder of the stick that he understood the holder’s point. It was the stick holder who determined whether or not the next speaker sufficiently understood him. When he felt understood, he would pass the stick along to the next speaker.

All of this is based on an agreement by all parties that they will work to first understand one another and then to find a solution that is more agreeable than any other solutions so far suggested. This is a terrific device, and it is definitely not new. But unless it is widely used in your world, this is an idea that is worth recycling.

The Talking Stick concept can be used in disputes over politics, business, religion, even whose turn it is to take out the trash. So on this Independence Day, I invite you to join me in honoring a tremendous idea from the natives of this country. I hope we all experience a year ahead with less conflict and better solutions.

I recently wrote about remaining calm while waiting 45 minutes at a customer service desk (Rewarding Mellow). In case you wondered how I stay mellow, I will share with you my secrets. These are techniques that I have worked for years to master and that have helped me in business, marriage, parenthood and many other walks of life.

I’ll use marriage as an example. See, I used to get impatient while waiting for my wife. We are supposed to meet our friends at the restaurant in ten minutes. How can she still be getting ready? How long does it take to put on makeup!? When are we going to leave!?!?!?! I used to confront my wife about these things. I made three discoveries in these confrontations that have helped me change my approach.

(1) My questions did not speed her up. If anything, they slowed down the process. This discovery was important, because it forced me to recognize that I had very little control over the situation. I find the same to be true in most customer service situations like the one I wrote about at Lowe’s. I can ask questions, push, agitate, do any number of things, but in the end, they had to search their whole warehouse to determine my screen door wasn’t there. No questions or anger or prodding would have changed that. Key lesson: disrupting the process doesn’t speed it up.

(2) My wife does not like to be rushed, and the unhappiness generated by fighting about being late greatly outweighed the unhappiness that came from just being late. I don’t like to be unhappy. I’m also not particularly fond of being angry. If I have a choice, at any given moment, I’d prefer to be calm and happy vs. angry and unhappy. This sounds obvious, but it’s amazing how often people choose the latter. Key lesson: getting angry won’t make me happy.

(3) Paying attention to being late only adds to the anxiety. I used to turn the TV off and put away my book or newspaper when it came time to leave. At that point the only thing I had left to do was to watch the clock. There are few things that raise my anxiety more than watching the clock show me getting later and later and later. Now I try to find the most interesting TV show to watch or article to read or game to play. I look for some activity to engage in that will actually aggravate me to have to stop. It totally takes my mind off of waiting. Key lesson: being happy makes the time fly.

It’s easy to get upset at bad customer service. This is especially so when getting angry, yelling at people, threatening, and stomping your feet gets a reward. As someone who tends not to do these things, I find it somewhat annoying when I see people get rewarded for this behavior.

This week I went to Lowe’s to pick up a new screen door. I ordered it a couple of weeks ago and they called me to tell me it had arrived. So I went to the customer service counter to ask for my door. They sent someone right off to get it for me. I stood off to the side to wait. After about ten minutes I asked (calmly and respectfully) about progress. Someone else scurried off to check.

Ten minutes later they triumphantly emerged from the bowels of the warehouse with . . . a range hood. I (calmly and respectfully) pointed out to them that the range hood was not in fact a screen door. They retreated once more to the storage area to search for my door. I checked in again (calmly and respectfully) after 10 minutes. Another associate left to join the search.

When I had been standing there for 45 minutes all of the associates emerged to inform me that my screen door was nowhere to be found. I was calm. Then they told me they would deliver it to my home at no charge. Okay. I left.

Here’s where I want to give kudos to Lowe’s. I had been calm. I didn’t make a scene. I didn’t berate any of their employees. They could have left the situation alone, but they went another step. They rewarded mellow. The next day I received a voicemail apologizing for the error and informing me that they were going to refund my credit card 10% of the purchase.

It’s easy to recognize and reward the squeaky wheel. It takes greater compassion and discipline to reward the person who stands calmly and respectfully off to the side. My Lowe’s did that, and with that gesture, won me back as a customer.

I read about a clothing company called Nau in the June Fast Company. It sounds like a remarkable organization on many levels. They encourage store patrons to have their purchases shipped home. This allows them to carry less inventory, keep their shops smaller and use less energy. They use open source methods for fabric design and invite their competitors to use their fabrics. These are both noteworthy practices, but they aren’t what really caught my eye.

Nau gives 5% of all sales to charities dedicated to solving environmental and humanitarian issues. Given that the gold standard in business is 1%, this is quite a commitment for a company that has just opened its doors. The really interesting part is how they are doing this. When you make a purchase from Nau, they ask you which of their charities you’d like your 5% to go to. This puts the giving experience in the lap of the customer and engages them with the Nau giving mission.

Many companies have charity programs, but few bring their customers into the mix. I think this is valuable for a couple of reasons. First, this is good business. It’s just plain smart to let customers know that you are working to make the world a better place (and not just working to make a profit). Second, this is good for giving. When customers are engaged in this process, they will learn about the Nau charities and experience the warmth of giving to these charities. This is bound to rub off at some point and encourage more giving down the line.

I hope this company is wildly successful. I hope their practices are picked up by others. Check them out and have fun deciding where your 5% will go.

I flew to Minneapolis today. Those familiar with my blog will be amused to know that I spilled a cup of ice on myself during the flight. Once again, not my smoothest moment.

Two things happened that reminded me of the everyday stress test we all face in life. In this test, something doesn’t go your way and you have to choose your response. Will you accept stress? Will you remain calm?

The first incident occurred in my hotel when I walked into the elevator lobby. A hotel employee was waiting for the elevator to arrive and we exchanged hellos. Then she said, “Can you believe it’s only Monday?” I was surprised by this, mostly because of her position. As an employee in a service business, I expected her to at least pretend to be positive, calm, happy, basically stress-free.

Earlier in my life I would have nodded or given her a polite laugh. In fact, several years ago I would have been the one making the comment. Back then, I failed to realize how my misery and the stress I exuded effected the people around me. This kind of comment may seem innocuous, but how many times have you heard a comment like this and been dragged into a moaning, complaining conversation. These discussions never leave you feeling calm, upbeat, or optimistic. I wanted something better from my day.

My response to her was, “Actually, it’s been a pretty good day.” Then I got in my elevator and reminded myself that it had in fact been a good day. The reality is that the stress test can take you in either direction. It was my choice. I could focus on having had to get up at 5:30 to make my flight, being away from my wife and kids, or having a lot of work to do. On the other hand, I could focus on having traveled safely, being at work with clients I like, or hearing from my wife that she and my daughters had a good day. My stress level was my choice.

The second incident was reported to me by one of my clients. He arrived at the hotel and was told by the person at the front desk that his reservation had been canceled. He immediately began to feel frustrated and angry and stressed himself out. This didn’t happen because of the situation, it happened because of his choice. The situation was merely that a reservation had been lost. It only took a few minutes before he was able to get a room and without much difficulty.

When asked, he described similar situations he had experienced before, almost all of which ended with him getting a room in the hotel. Once or twice he had to take a room at a separate hotel. Never had he gone without a room for the night. Yet, he chose not to remember any of these past experiences. He chose to imagine the worst possible outcomes and create the most stressful response possible. Even when he retold the story to me and his colleagues, I could see his stress-level rising.

We all face different stress tests every day. When you confront yours, it is up to you to choose. Will you focus on the bad, the risk, the fears? Or will you see the good, the possible, the opportunity? Remember, the choice is yours.

I went out to lunch with a business associate today. She wanted to pay for our meal. I was fine with that. She needed a single to tip the valet and asked if she could borrow it from me. I was fine with that too. Then she was absolutely insistent that she pay me back the $1 she borrowed. I don’t think I’m fine with that.

She had the best intentions. She hates to borrow. She likes to be generous. The last thing she wants is for anyone to feel that she is taking from them. But she missed something very important. I don’t care about the dollar, but I do care about being generous.

I like to be generous with other people. It makes me feel good. When she insisted on paying back the dollar it made me feel cheap. It took away from me the joy of doing something nice for her. So she wouldn’t take the dollar from me, something I didn’t care about, but she would take the pleasure of generosity from me, something that means a great deal.

This is a common theme in my coaching as well. My clients don’t talk about borrowing $1. However, they often tell me about situations in which they acted with the best intentions. Unknowingly, their actions actually had the opposite impact of what they intended. One reason this happens is that they fail to imagine what the other person wants. My colleague assumed that I wanted my dollar and focused on her own desire to not feel cheap. She failed to think of any alternative desires I might have. She didn’t think I might want to be generous. Or that I might want our relationship to feel more like a friendship in which case neither of us would think twice about $1.

So if you are going to be generous, give freely. Just remember, try to give something that people want. And if they so desire, let them be generous in return.

The double-decker tourist bus tours in New York have made a big mistake. They will drop you off at Macy’s or Bloomingdale’s. They will take you down 5th Avenue. But they miss the best retail spot in the city. I believe every visitor to New York should be required to stop at B&H Photo (9th Ave and 34th St) and buy something, anything. I don’t care if you don’t like cameras. Buy a pack of batteries just so you can experience the operational wonder of this store.

I went there yesterday to pick up a power cord for my video camera. I left the original in Chicago on a recent trip. In between Chicago and yesterday I was in Denver and needed to use my video camera, a Sony product. I went to the Sony store in Denver. Keep in mind, this is a store that was created by Sony specifically for Sony products. They told me they didn’t carry the power cord. This is the SONY store. How could they not carry their own camera’s power cord? They did however have an alternate solution. They could sell me a backup battery and wall charger for $175. Are you kidding?!?

Fast forward to yesterday. B&H sells products from Sony and every other camera or video manufacturer known to man. (They also sell stage lighting, binoculars and plenty of other stuff to keep the browser occupied.) They have gurus in every area of the store who could explain things about the products that the engineers who created them didn’t even know. So I walked over to the video counter and asked for the power cord I needed.

The guy at the counter, named Joshua, asked me what video camera I owned. I told him. He asked me if I wanted anything else from the video area. I didn’t. Then he gave me a receipt for my order. At that moment I thought I felt my cellphone vibrate. So I reached for my pocket. Joshua thought I was going for my wallet. He said, “Oh no. You don’t pay me. We want you to stay happy while dealing with the salespeople.” I thanked him, stepped away from the counter and looked up.

This is where the show is. Above the shoppers’ heads there exists an amazing network of conveyor belts from the storage area at the back of the store to the checkout area at the front of the store. In fact, there is no actual merchandise in the showroom of the store. There is one display item for everything they sell, but you can’t just walk in and grab something off the shelf. All of the products are in back. The moment that Joshua handed me my receipt someone in the back of the store put my item in a crate and placed the crate on one of the conveyor belts. While I walked to the cashiers my item was whooshing over my head somewhere on its way to the checkout.

So I went to pay. I gave my cashier, Eduardo, my receipt. He took my money and gave me a new receipt. I then went to the checkout counter with my new receipt. My checkout guy, Adam, exchanged my new receipt for my product. I recently purchased a television from a Circuit City store. I could have gone and eaten lunch in the time it took them to get my TV to the customer pickup area. (They had no whoosh.) Yet in all of my trips to B&H I have never been able to beat my merchandise to the front of the store. You might think it’s because the whole process of going to the different counters is so slow. No way. This store operates with lightning fast efficiency. It is simply a marvel to behold.

Tourists in New York spend a lot of time gazing up in wonder at the buildings scraping the sky. They might be even more awestruck if they gazed up in B&H to watch and experience the whoosh.