Gary Cohen, author of Just Ask Leadership, invited me to write a guest blog. Gary is a leadership guru who founded and built a company, ACI Telecentrics, to 2200 employees. He was recognized in the St. Paul/Minneapolis 40 under 40 and currently pursues his passion of building employee and organizational engagement.

We settled on a Q and A format for the blog (which is an interesting story I’ll tell tomorrow). Take a look at the blog and leave Gary a comment. We bloggers thrive on that.

I went to my cousin’s wedding and she had invited several people to sing during dinner. As a professional opera singer she has many musically talented friends. In fact, the musical displays were extraordinary, and I heard someone wish they could sing that way.

We too often want to be that person - the one who can stand up and sing or deliver a devastating crossover dribble or grab the mic and give a charming, heartfelt and entertaining wedding speech or close any sale or lead in a way that inspires greatness. If we are unable, we can always chalk it up to lacking the talent.

To be fair, there are talent differences. But look at just about anyone who is exceptional at what they do and ask them about how they got that way or how they maintain their skill.

My cousin (who brought the house down with her song) works incredibly hard to hone her skill. She sometimes avoids talking for a couple of days before a performance to make sure her voice is well rested. (That is a preparation method I would find particularly difficult, though I’m sure my wife and kids would enjoy greatly.)

I give speeches for a living and I coach people on their speaking. They almost always want to be able to simply walk up, grab the mic, be funny and smooth and insightful, and walk off to a standing ovation.

I tell them how I rehearse my speeches over and over again, preparing relentlessly to make sure the speech I give on stage is devoid of the hiccups and mistakes I make during practice.

The important skills and moments in your life demand more than talent. They require lots of practice and behind the scenes work.

What are the skills you are currently working on, practicing, and building behind the scenes? Someday someone will look at you and say, “I wish I had that kind of talent.”

On the acknowledgements page of the first draft of my first book I wrote that words could not describe my love for my wife. My editor slashed that with a thick red marker and told me, “Yes they can. You just don’t know how to use them properly.”

She was right of course.

Yeats, Dickinson, Shakespeare, Frost. They had used words to describe a love that deep.

So in my next draft I tried to tell what I thought was the truth. I wrote that I didn’t know the words to describe my love for my wife. Again. Red marker. She said, “You’re an author. Do better.”

So here’s what I wrote.

Above all, to my wife Beatrice, thank you for your laughter and your spirit. Your unwavering support has lifted me up and inspired me through every draft of this book and everything I do in life.

No red marker.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. Good luck finding the words you need today.

BONUS: I think there’s a really important lesson here. Twice I thought I delivered my best work to my editor. Twice I thought that work was good. Twice my editor told me to do better. Who can push you further? Who delivers honest feedback to you? Cherish that person. Thank them for the feedback they provide. And push yourself to do better.

It isn’t half full. It’s full. People don’t realize how lucky they are. Realize is the wrong word. It’s passive and fleeting. As though the important thing were to casually recognize every once in a while that, “Oh yeah, check it out. I guess I’m lucky.”

No. We need more than realization. We need active and consistent recognition. Your glass is full. Take a good long look at all the reasons that is so. Don’t raise objections. If there’s something less than perfect, let it go.

Right now, and every day, take just a minute (or more) to really examine what makes you lucky.

Why?

People who engage in daily gratitude exercises have been shown to:

Exercise more
Feel physically healthier
Have greater life satisfaction
Make more progress toward goals
Offer more help to others
Sleep longer and better

They are more:

Alert
Optimistic
Enthusiastic
Determined
Attentive
Energized

Wow. All those benefits just from spending a little time each day paying attention to what we’re grateful for? That’s pretty lucky.