THE
BOOK: First Chapter
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the first chapter or
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first chapter
- free.
Introduction:
Understanding
Self-Addiction
Questions to get
you started.
What is
self-addiction
What are your
self-addictions?
Renee calls
herself a New
Year’s Health
Nut. In early
January she is a
regular at the
gym, but she
knows that by
February she
will have
forgotten her
New Year’s
resolution to
stay in shape,
given up on her
exercise
crusade, and
disappeared from
the gym until
next year.
Denise is a
self-proclaimed
“control freak”
whose behavior
hurts her
personal and
professional
relationships.
Jonathan is
an engineer
turned manager
who constantly
points out the
errors and
problems in
other people’s
work. His
inability to
provide positive
feedback is
turning his team
against him.
The challenge that
Renee, Denise and
Jonathan all share
is that they are
addicted to
themselves.
What does it mean
to be addicted to
yourself?
People use the
word addiction to
describe a wide
variety of behaviors
and conditions.
There are alcoholics
and shop-aholics.
There are drug
addicts and sex
addicts. There are
compulsive gamblers
and compulsive
shop-lifters. People
say they are
addicted to food or
fitness. People use
the term addiction
to refer to concepts
ranging from
chocolate to
basketball. So what
does it mean to be
addicted to
yourself?
First, there are
many different
addictions, some of
which (e.g.,
alcohol, drugs,
gambling, etc.) can
destroy people’s
lives. If these are
the addictions you
face, I encourage
you to get help far
beyond what I offer
here. Breaking these
clinical addictions
will not be the
focus of this book.
The addictions that
I will discuss are
behaviors you
exhibit on a daily
basis. They are your
habits and routines.
They are the actions
you take with your
co-workers, your
spouse and your
children. They are
the behaviors that
come out when you
are angry or hurt or
nervous or unsure of
yourself.
These behaviors come
out in all areas of
life. Someone
criticizes you and
you turn silent.
Perhaps you know
that you should try
to understand and
work to improve, but
you are addicted to
your silent, cold
response. Another
time your spouse
leaves the kitchen a
mess for what seems
like the tenth time
this week. You may
know that yelling
about it won’t help
the situation or
your relationship,
but you do it
anyway. When you go
into work you find
several co-workers
congregated in an
office complaining
about the new
marketing strategy.
Maybe you realize
that you’re only
making the situation
worse by joining in,
but it feels so
natural you can
hardly help
yourself.
Whatever the
behaviors are that
you wish to change,
you may not feel
like an addict. You
are certainly very
talented in many
ways and may be an
exemplary parent,
spouse, leader and
friend. Perhaps you
are on the verge of
being a perfect ten,
if only you quit
being so
accommodating or
paid more attention
to your kids or did
a better job of
delegating. We all
have ways that we
can improve
ourselves.
Have you ever
wondered why
self-help is one of
the fastest growing
industries? Why are
there so many books
to help people
change themselves?
Is it that people
have so many things
that they want to
change, or is it
that we are simply
not very good at
changing? At the
time of this writing
Amazon.com had over
170,000 listings for
“diet.” Yet, we are
certainly not a
particularly thin
nation. There were
over 120,000 items
under “leadership.”
Walk into any
corporate
executive’s office,
and you are bound to
find at least a
handful and maybe
dozens of leadership
books. Imagine what
work would be like
if all of the
corporate executives
in the country
actually practiced
half of the
leadership skills
described in their
books.
Why don’t these
leadership and diet
books work? Because
they provide new
behaviors, they
supply wonderful
ideas, but they
don’t help us
address our
addictions to our
behaviors. We have
had our behaviors
shaped, molded and
reinforced thousands
of times over the
course of our
lifetimes. We have
been conditioned to
act in a certain way
when faced with
certain types of
situations. We can’t
simply come up with
something better and
turn off the old
behavior. It takes
time to unlearn the
old behavior and to
learn to replace it
with a new one.
Steven is a learning
and development
professional who
works for a Fortune
500 company. He is
also a recovering
alcoholic. When I
asked him how long
it had been since
his last drink, he
said that every day
is a new challenge.
He was telling me
that it didn’t
matter how long it
had been. The power
of the addictive
behavior was so
strong that if he
wasn’t vigilant
every day, it could
come back to
overwhelm him. Later
he shared with me
that it had in fact
been 17 years since
his last drink. Your
behavioral
addictions may not
take a lifetime to
overcome. However,
the example of
alcoholism presents
a valuable lesson
that a deeply
ingrained behavior
doesn’t change
overnight.
The fact remains
that you can change.
Whether you are
trying to change
something for the
first time or you
are struggling with
something that you
have tried to change
many times in the
past, you can make
the change you
desire. Much of the
difficulty that
people have with
change is because
they don’t know how
to change. They know
what they want to
do, but they don’t
know how to adjust
when they get into
situations that
bring out their bad
habits. The truth is
that you can change
if you have an
effective plan for
how to do so. This
book is dedicated to
helping you lay out
that plan and break
your self-addiction.
If you would like to
read more, we invite
you to
download the entire
first chapter
- free. |
